I have had the misfortune to visit both hospital clinics, the ER, and two Womens Clinics all in the two months I have lived here. More Korean women have seen my lady bits than I would like...
Not this fella. He's not seen them.
It started with a cough. At first a little tickle, then suddenly a full blown rattling bark with a temperature and headache, and my breathing became painful.
I've watched enough episodes of ER to know that wasn't good, so on a rainy Saturday I went to the International Clinic in nearby Itaewon. They took one look at me and told me I needed to go to a hospital where they had oxygen. I was turned out into torrential rain to try and flag down a taxi, which I eventually managed.
The nearest hospital was Soonchunhyang University Hospital in Hannam-dong, and they have an International Clinic where the staff speaks English, and I also heard them speaking Mandarin too.
Although I had no appointment they registered me and told me to wait. Soaked through and breathing like a 50 cigarette a day smoker after a marathon, I waited for 15 minutes before being called into the doctor.
He was a lovely cheerful chap who told me I had Pnuemonia about 20 seconds after I sat down. A quick listen to my chest and he sent me to X-Ray with instructions; 'Don't worry we can fix it.'
When I finally found X-ray (not an easy task), they looked at my form, slapped a sticker on my hand and told me to get changed.
Okay, so I am not of the same build as Koreans. Whilst most of the women here are delicate, tiny and not very busty, I am designed to plough fields and carry bricks up ladders.
I got the largest size top and pants I could find, and tried to wrestle them on my sweaty aching body in a miniscule cubicle.
If you have ever tried to get two canteloupe melons into a Doritos packet you can understand what it was like. I could barely tie the top half and I couldn't bend my legs in the bottoms. When I saw the very handsome young X-Ray tech I almost died.
The humiliation did not end there as I had to press my chest against the X-Ray plate and also raise my arms. I was concerned that any minute the girls were going to break free and knock him out cold.
When I went back to the clinic it was busy, and I waited for 40 minutes to see the same doctor. He cheerfully informed me there was congestion in my lungs on the X-Ray and that it was definately Pneumonia. I would be admitted and given IV drugs.
So this was NOT an option. Being a single mum alone in a foreign country without a single friend (at that point), I told him there was no-one to care for my son and I could not be admitted.
He was nice about it, and agreed to manage it as an outpatient. I went to the cashiers desk to pay for my treatment, which was around £140. If I had been admitted it would have been a lot more.
I took the prescription he gave me for 5 different pills to a little pharmacy across the street. The lovely old couple that ran it filled my prescription and gave me a little bottle of Yakult.
I took my pills, rested, and went back four days later for another appointment. My breathing was easier, and the X-ray showed the congestion was reducing.
The ER
Here was my view a week later....
So on a Monday morning I started to feel light headed, dizzy and breathless again. Apparently Pneumonia can keep reoccurring, so I trotted back to the clinic.
I was feeling so rough I was breathing very rapidly, and so they told me to go to the ER.
Very long story short; I had bloods taken, an EKG, another X-ray (oh god the boobs again!), and then was given an IV with antibiotics.
The whole thing took 4 hours and I got to see everything going on in the other 'cubicles' and try not to make eye contact with anyone. All of the doctors spoke English, and most of the nurses knew some.
That cost me around £400.
Looking at my Lady bits
Not what she found up there....
I went to a Women's clinic to get some blood work to look at my hormone levels. Although I was just expecting a blood test, the doctor said she wanted to do an ultrasound and a pap smear.
I was 'Oh, like in pregnancy?' making the movement over my belly.
'No, inside,' she said, making a very different movement.
Before you know it I was wearing a disposable mini-skirt (not my style), and she was sticking something where the sun don't shine.
After clearing away the cobwebs and most of my dignity, she politely narrated what I was seeing on screen from the camera on the ultrasound. Call me squeamish, but I didn't feel the need to watch, and it certainly wouldn't win any Oscars.
After the fun was over, I was made an appointment for the results.
I wasn't expecting what she told me.
The pap smear showed cell changes, so she needed to do a biopsy. If you don't know what that means, cell changes in the cervix can be indicators of cervical cancer. She needed to take some more tissue and have it tested more thoroughly.
Well this time, I'm not going to lie, it hurt like hell. But it was necessary.
I had to wait a week as I was in Japan before I got the results. You can imagine what I was thinking in that week, wondering if I had to go back to the UK, who would look after my son if I was hospitalised etc etc...
Luckily for me they were clear, but I have to have a test done every three months.
I feel Korean doctors have seen enough of me for a while. I would like to keep my lady bits covered up for the next three months or so.
I also plan not to expose my chest to handsome Korean men (although I can't promise that).
Korean healthcare is excellent. The doctors are well qualified, and a lot of them speak English.
It's scary when you are sick somewhere where you don't understand the system and have no-one to turn to.
If you are coming to South Korea, make sure you have travel insurance ( I have private medical insurance), and know the location of the nearest medical facility.
Hopefully you won't need it, and you won't expose yourself to half of Korea.